Nobody stands at the head of the church and promises their lives to somebody else with the idea that one day they’ll have to Google how to have an amicable divorce. A relationship is hard work, but a marriage is harder. There is an extra effort that goes into keeping yourselves together as a couple because you know that legally separating your relationship is going to be a lot harder than just breaking up and walking away.
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Nobody daydreams about divorce, but when you get to a point in your relationship where there is no going back, divorce is the smart option. When there are children involved especially, the one thing you want to do is look at how you can have an amicable divorce. If you’ve given your marriage all that you’ve got, you might start looking here, or you might start talking to each other about separating your relationship and walking away. Having an amicable divorce sounds like an impossibility. Divorce is a painful and difficult process and there are lots of emotions that go into it that are heightened and charged. Below, we put together a short list of tips to help you to make sure that your divorce process is as friendly as it can be.
- Bite your tongue. If one of you has hurt the other one it’s going to be a natural instinct to hurt them back, but if there are children involved you need to bite your tongue and keep the poison back. The last thing that you want is for them to get caught in the middle of your anger, so save your venting for your friends and keep any conversations about your previous partner away from the children. The last thing you want to do is anything harmful to them, or make them feel like a part of them is bad and that’s exactly what happens when you start insulting your previous partner in front of your children. Don’t do that to them if you can absolutely avoid it.
- Assume the best. You were married to this person and you are in love with them and you were close with them as a person can be to another, so don’t assume they’re out to get you. Don’t assume they have devised some plans to hurt your life. You need to make sure that you trust in them and that they have their own best interests at heart and that means having a common divorce so you don’t end up screaming at each other across the lawyers’ office. Give your ex-partner the benefit of the doubt, and even when it doesn’t seem like they’re doing their best, pretend to yourself that they are.
- Keep your words kind. When your emotions are running high it can be very easy to allow them to get the better of you. You may be very tempted to allow your heart to roll your head, but communicating with your spouse as you would want to be communicated with is important. When you negotiate with them, you should be clear about your desires and be kind in the delivery of them. Communicate kindly and calmly at all times even when it doesn’t feel like you should.